-
Re: Thoughts of Sorrow
"Skys" should be "skies." "My friend are deeply concerned" should be "My friends are deeply concerned." The word "abet" there is just... awkward. Actually, the language of this is all ...
Mar 4, 2008 -
Re: My Brother Has A Gun
This is the sort of thing you find in those annoying chain emails--you know, the ones where the sender wants to look like he or she cares about an issue, ...
Mar 4, 2008 -
Re: alone
I'm afraid I have to contradict Alainna on one thing: you need not begin lines with Capital Letters in a poem. You can, of course, but it's perfectly acceptable in ...
Mar 4, 2008 -
Re: When there's nowhere to run
...Okay. I started to do a line-by-line critique of this piece, but, forgive me, it's just not worth it. The entire concept is hackneyed, and not even presented in a ...
Mar 4, 2008 -
Re: Melting a Midwest Winter
While this is, as previous critiquers have pointed out, occasionally inconsistent, it's a lovely little piece and shows a lot of potential--especially since you say you rarely write poetry. Do ...
Feb 26, 2008 -
Re: Essay: On Poetry.
I concur with Suzanne's first three criticisms (and up til that point have nothing else to add), but I like the Wisconsin passage. You do, however, need to insert a ...
Feb 26, 2008 -
Re: Don't let me fall
The lyrics, while not incredibly original, are quite sweet, and I could see them being the lyrics to a successful song. The only thing I didn't like was the "yeeeeaaahhhh" ...
Feb 23, 2008 -
Re: I Can't Be Rid of You
It's not love sickness it's just sickness Stockholm's Syndrome in Spring But that's the thing This is probably my favorite part, though it's difficult to pick just one. The alliteration ...
Feb 23, 2008 -
Re: Warning read at your own risk
This is a manifestation of popculture-induced incompetence. Amen. I have to say, while it's not my cup of tea I have a healthy respect for rap as an artform--as long ...
Feb 23, 2008 -
Re: Prologue: Vice and Viscera
I love the how deceptively simple it is, and how tactile. Your prose is beautiful here, and the content is just ambivalent enough to be truly compelling; it made me ...
Feb 22, 2008 -
Re: Just a Friend
I won't say much about the writing itself, which--structurally at least--was very solid. Good job on that. As for the content... well, keep your chin up, duckie, yes? It happens ...
Feb 22, 2008 -
Re: Paper cranes
Your use of punctuation and spacing are appalling. It makes it very difficult for the reader to comprehend what you're writing about. As for the content itself: You've saturated this ...
Feb 22, 2008 -
Re: How to be a Hippie in 2007
First of all, change the format, as mentioned above. It's only polite to not make your readers strain. Secondly, I'd suggest coming up with a more interesting title--"How to be ...
Feb 22, 2008 -
Re: To Kill a Mockingbird
Well, I'm not familiar with the British grading system, but according to the American system I'd give this a C+ or B-, depending on how benevolent I was feeling that ...
Feb 22, 2008 -
Re: Below
Michael: I thought to. Should be "thought so," yes? Make very man a king Make 'every' man a king? I’d love to have the satisfaction of pushing off before me. ...
Feb 22, 2008
